Dad’s special crematorium offers
My dad, who recently received an amazing offer from a local crematorium, mused further and sent me this:
I wonder if I should get back to the crematorium, offering to write its direct mail in future. I’m think that it’s missing the boat here. I mean I used to make a living doing direct mail stuff and many other marketing things, and I feel there should be a direct mail offer for not just “a cremation” but for three different levels of service.
For instance, 10 lucky winners would win “Our respectful standard service”: i.e. place the body onto the conveyor belt and give it a hard shove.
Five lucky winners would win ”Our extremely respectful upgraded service”: i.e. put the body into a cardboard box before placing the box onto the conveyor belt and giving it a hard shove.
And one person would win the Grand Prize, “Our totally respectful top-of-the-line service”: i.e. put the body into a pine casket before placing the casket onto the conveyor belt and giving it a hard shove, followed by our taking off our hats as a token of respect.
